11 Shitty & Totally Useless Secret Santa Or New Year Gifts For When You Want To Piss People Off

It’s that time of the year when you can tell people exactly how you feel with shitty gifts. Because shitty people need to know exactly what they are. The annoying sibling, the frenemie, the can-never-mind-their-own-business relative… ah, the list goes on. Even if it’s just for laughs, do go through the list and you never know, you might find something for someone. Only hope is you’re not at the receiving end.

1. A DNA test

If you’ve told your sibling they’re adopted, it’s time for them to put it to test. “Gifts for the family historian,” read an ad for a Helix testing kit according to Gizmodo. “They can build a family tree, learn all about their ancestors, and take inspiration from the lives they led,” claims yet another kit purveyor, Ancestry. The look on your brother’s face… priceless. Get it here.

Ancestry

2. Sad lap pillow for your ‘forever alone’ single friend

The world gave us the ‘boyfriend arm’ pillow, then how could the ‘girlfriend’s lap’ cushion be far behind? Where my idiot single friends at? Get the arm pillow here, and the lap pillow here.

amazon

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  • 3. A calendar for a year that’s already gone

    … so they know all the days we could’ve done without seeing their face. *Whispers* … the whole year. You know, while you’re at it, throw in a couple more old calendars in there.

    pinterest

    4. Bad, romantic novels for the literary snob

    Yeah, you know who you are.

    amazon

    5. Desi cookbooks for the Martha Stewart wannabe

    Besides, reading about cooking first might do everyone a little bit of good.

    amazon

    6. VHS tapes for the pretentious tech snob

    Just because.

    vidsurevideo

    7. Toilet paper with their face on it

    Ugh.

    8. The loudest megaphone for the Devil’s spawn that is your neighbour’s kid

    So the parents know where the little shit is at all times.

    Masterlist

    9. An embarrassingly bright, neon ‘man-kini’ for your ultra-macho-also-shithead male friend

    They may never wear it, but you’ll know they have it.

    screengrab

    10. For the idiot who needs to learn some manners

    We all know one. Get it here.

    amazon

    11. Potato chips pillow for the couch potato

    So they can lay in bed, crave potato chips but only have the pillow to chew on. Get it here.

    ohthethingsyoucanbuy

    Since you stayed till the end, here’s a little bonus: reallybadgift.com. This website is where all bad gifts come to live and they need a loving new home. Visit, why don’t you?

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